let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
