I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is wine microwaveable?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
