I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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