A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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