i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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