I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
