The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I did not marry a roomba.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
