It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
