haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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