Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
