just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
