I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
