before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
