Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
