Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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