They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
