Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
