its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
