haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
