Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
