TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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