It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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