I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
BRING THE BAGELS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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