Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
