I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
