I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
