i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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