I didn't shave. On purpose
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
