it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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