roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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