my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
