I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
