if i can run in heels then i can drive
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just cropdusted the office
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
