trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
