Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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