Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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