A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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