remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
