ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
