why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
