We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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