You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
