Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
