I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
