He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
