I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.