She's JV to your varsity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest