What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.