ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party