what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.