I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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