There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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