we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
