Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
