I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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