my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
