Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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