How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
