He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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