you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
