Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
