Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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