i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
