4 words: hood of his car
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
