my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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