Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
