Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
